you would have never imagined that me and the spaceman made it back to one another.

but we did.

The actual reality is so gorgeous and bittersweet most could never swing it.

but we did.

and we looked at each other while we played a song together and we SMILED
the smile I have been waiting to smile my whole life.

and right this very second... There is a fat white lady singing "what price for happiness?"

so I am telling you... I'm happy and the fat lady is singing so fuck off finally you self defeating
slant thats been following my fine ass around for all these years.

I am going to
wrap my troubles in dreams
and dream my troubles away.


and every time I get to where I am going
I remember something about where I came from... this time it was this...



Once upon a time I was a balloon delivery girl...
but really I was a singing telegram girl who delivered balloons in Baltimore.
I wore a top hat and tiny tux jacket... red high tops and jean cut offs and I carried a wand.
And I would drive a big ugly van to the hospital or the school or some random home and bring them balloons
and I was told that if they were home... I had to sing... and so I would sing when you wish upon a star and hand them the balloons.

All of my clients were black people except for one.
and they always thought I was the oddest thing they ever saw
and every time I sang that song my voice cracked because my voice was not built to sing that kind of song...
and I was self conscious because most black people can sing their asses off and shooo.

one time I brought a whole two fists full of purple balloons to a school and all the kids jumped all around me and hugged and kissed me... and I hugged and kissed them back! and it was fun to see so many silly smiles and happy faces. I was surprised at where I was standing in that moment...I never had more happy kids around before or since.

one day I had to go to the hospital and the balloon was a single pink balloon and a bouquet of flowers... I walked in and there was a white woman sitting up in a hospital bed...  so I said that so and so had sent her a singing telegram... and then sang my dumb song and danced my wand over her bed... over her... and you should have seen the look on her face... holy shit.
what I didnt know... could not have known was that
cancer had taken her breasts and she what... man what she was thinking and feeling was written all over her... hell she was a painting... and sitting there with a friend who was smiling but she looked like she wanted to scream...

the last lines of the song are " When you wish upon a star... your dreams do come true."
and she looked down at her empty chest and said " well they aint gonna grow back and that is the only thing on my mind right now so..."
and it made me smile and fuck man... how I loved her so much in that moment... a complete stranger and I loved her immensly... I walked towards her and handed her the flowers and balloon and said... " I am sorry." and she shook her head and smiled and it was the greatest smile ever... like George Clinton great. and she said... "Its okay."

I wish I would have had the head on me to tell her how brave and cool I thought she was and funny... but I just headed out to the balloon van where it was hot out there and the Mylar ones had all but fainted in the back and were no longer any good... and the seats too hot to sit on and very soon after that I started to not show up at work on time... and sometimes not at all  until one day...
 the boss came to hour house and yelled up the gated stairs for me to come out and get my ass to work... but I just threw the van keys down and said... I am done... I am sorry because you are so nice but I cant... so he left and I dont know what I got into next... I think bar tending at the wharf rat or painting a house. I dunno... but once I did that.