in the dream...
a beautiful man... a solo rock god...
showed up... this time long brown hair
thick lips and a wide forehead and taller than me
and we snaked our bodies together as soon as we were
close enough to do so.
and I could feel his cock through his loose slacks and it was gorgeous
big headed and perfectly wide as it was long.
and I rested my whole hand on the tip and pretended
to shift gears going up in to fifth and then back into fourth.
he was a beauty
he was part of the peruvian crew
He came to show me what it feels like when someone you thought was beautiful...
decides to pick you
you over all the others... and all the others were just as gorgeous as he was.
and being picked and held and ravished in front of the crowd was pleasing.
they have come twice...
once to tell me to get my anger in check and all would be well
and once to show me what it feels like to be picked... and not do the picking.
When they come into my dreams... there is always something that occurs that
that provides a learning moment and as much as I would love to tell you I ace the exam every time...
I don't.
but they never leave with out me waking up telling myself I will do better the next time...
the magic number three is on the horizon now... third time's the charm... so wish me luck.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
The never filled up
"you can the see reasons here." she said looking through the glowing pages. "see? I mean, Look here... heres one and right here is another... so don't tell me you don't know the reasons." and she walked away from the table and she folded her arms tightly up into her small chest. The Venusian girl with the gorgeous praying mantis attributes moved stiffly... Her back felt like it was about to blow out.
" My mother never nursed me." he said flatly.
they shared a small look between them and then
These poor two were so tired of their old ism's rearing their ancient maws up out of the muck every time they had a raw desire they wanted fulfilled, that they looked almost colorless. Like two bees left dead on the window sill for weeks. Former beauties of themselves.
They were the product of their parents but there has got to come the day when one evolves far far up and away from all that. so far away in fact they leave baby-dom forever and never die. But neither could admit if they were really working towards getting off the wheel for good. They were so entangled... so in love and then out.
The other girl... the one who had learned to see things... opened her eyes and wished she had seen something else. dont worry... this is the norm. Many visions are full of the never filled up.
If you care at all... you identify the problem and imagine it solved.
At her best... the other girl was in her own right a stunning singularity. Not a bad choice at all for a fling. In fact she was the best one shot off ever produced. But she had feelings and was very hard to shake. After the initial lash of the severed cord... after the sting of rejection eased a little... she managed to move away and there was even a time she was able to let go and forget to go back, forget to hold on and learned how to let go... but Memory is a harsh mistress and well... Memory tells you that you simply can't. Could never and Now come really? why would you?
She told herself she could if it would save the world... but standing alone up there on that lonesome horizon, truly alone and the only one thinking... It was too much for her to bear and so...
Her desire to be a saint monk nun nobody seemed to have run its course... at best she had arrived only at the level of a mime. The vision of which made her laugh out loud a little. Even she could see that if you lined the three of them up in the glowing light... you would see the reasons why... why he went back and why she got stuck.
The hard part of this kind of vision is realizing that you are not the true origin of what had come before you. What you see is the regurgitation of others experiences that are then tried out on you. This happens when folks find out something really neat about love and this throws a switch on in their minds and they wanna see it again and again... this desire is so good it becomes habit forming, the old adage... you never saw what hit you now becomes you. Once hooked... one creates a virtual stream of experiencing this neat thing over and over and over and over until its novelty has been exhausted.
so when he said he sees something in you... he most likely saw it in them long before you showed up and he is only hoping it is in you as well... and when you feel a little desperate and hope that what he sees in you is true about you too... and not something he saw elsewhere but merely wished he saw in you
well... when you need him to believe you are just as special... that is when you should understand you are hooked in now too.
Love junkie. One of Us One of Us One of Us
I watch us like movie
What ever way you choose to view the vision... try not to see it as good or bad.
because all we are really seeing here is the evolution of experience and very much like the air breathed in by the lungs...
their air... is now your air.
When it comes to Love, Memory and Experience... we all have a terrible time letting go of the ones we are most fond of. blatent or blanketed... we dress our love up in everything we liked about love and it most likely was worn by someone better than you. :)
as for me...
I might have loved him more than anyone I ever knew
I had nothing to compare him to. He was the only one who ever said
I know you.
but the reality is I loved
someone already loved by another in love with the one who loved them.
and to him... I was the dead bee on the windowsill version of her.
he was desperate to have her back... and so he tried to make himself believe.
What was lucky was that she took him back and still loved him... he was lovable.
and what was lucky for the other girl was that she did not have to mime for love... she would not be left to fake it or allow her heart to be experienced through someone faking it with her.
what was lucky for me was learning that I am not from out there.
I am from in here where being full was never the goal.
Quite the opposite
" My mother never nursed me." he said flatly.
they shared a small look between them and then
to show solidarity,she said, "My father never held me.".
These poor two were so tired of their old ism's rearing their ancient maws up out of the muck every time they had a raw desire they wanted fulfilled, that they looked almost colorless. Like two bees left dead on the window sill for weeks. Former beauties of themselves.
They were the product of their parents but there has got to come the day when one evolves far far up and away from all that. so far away in fact they leave baby-dom forever and never die. But neither could admit if they were really working towards getting off the wheel for good. They were so entangled... so in love and then out.
The other girl... the one who had learned to see things... opened her eyes and wished she had seen something else. dont worry... this is the norm. Many visions are full of the never filled up.
If you care at all... you identify the problem and imagine it solved.
At her best... the other girl was in her own right a stunning singularity. Not a bad choice at all for a fling. In fact she was the best one shot off ever produced. But she had feelings and was very hard to shake. After the initial lash of the severed cord... after the sting of rejection eased a little... she managed to move away and there was even a time she was able to let go and forget to go back, forget to hold on and learned how to let go... but Memory is a harsh mistress and well... Memory tells you that you simply can't. Could never and Now come really? why would you?
She told herself she could if it would save the world... but standing alone up there on that lonesome horizon, truly alone and the only one thinking... It was too much for her to bear and so...
Her desire to be a saint monk nun nobody seemed to have run its course... at best she had arrived only at the level of a mime. The vision of which made her laugh out loud a little. Even she could see that if you lined the three of them up in the glowing light... you would see the reasons why... why he went back and why she got stuck.
The hard part of this kind of vision is realizing that you are not the true origin of what had come before you. What you see is the regurgitation of others experiences that are then tried out on you. This happens when folks find out something really neat about love and this throws a switch on in their minds and they wanna see it again and again... this desire is so good it becomes habit forming, the old adage... you never saw what hit you now becomes you. Once hooked... one creates a virtual stream of experiencing this neat thing over and over and over and over until its novelty has been exhausted.
so when he said he sees something in you... he most likely saw it in them long before you showed up and he is only hoping it is in you as well... and when you feel a little desperate and hope that what he sees in you is true about you too... and not something he saw elsewhere but merely wished he saw in you
well... when you need him to believe you are just as special... that is when you should understand you are hooked in now too.
Love junkie. One of Us One of Us One of Us
I watch us like movie
What ever way you choose to view the vision... try not to see it as good or bad.
because all we are really seeing here is the evolution of experience and very much like the air breathed in by the lungs...
their air... is now your air.
When it comes to Love, Memory and Experience... we all have a terrible time letting go of the ones we are most fond of. blatent or blanketed... we dress our love up in everything we liked about love and it most likely was worn by someone better than you. :)
as for me...
I might have loved him more than anyone I ever knew
I had nothing to compare him to. He was the only one who ever said
I know you.
but the reality is I loved
someone already loved by another in love with the one who loved them.
and to him... I was the dead bee on the windowsill version of her.
he was desperate to have her back... and so he tried to make himself believe.
What was lucky was that she took him back and still loved him... he was lovable.
and what was lucky for the other girl was that she did not have to mime for love... she would not be left to fake it or allow her heart to be experienced through someone faking it with her.
what was lucky for me was learning that I am not from out there.
I am from in here where being full was never the goal.
Quite the opposite
Monday, August 6, 2012
it was a little thing
that turned into a bigger thing.
After a while... it became everything.
and life changed.
All I could do was sew my innocence to the inside of my pants pocket and head out.
There was a shooting in colorado... somehow, a bright young man... a neuroscience student
at a good college... went on a rampage... and shot some people at a bat man movie.
The father of this young man... was about to testify at the supreme court about the LIBOR scandal.
The father had developed an algorithm that can trace with great accuracy
white collar crime... namely corporate bank thefts.
The father worked for FICA and they used the algorithm and this is how they were able to bust
the rate fixing scam with LIBOR.
And oddly enough... his son becomes incredibly demented and kills some people
and now I wonder if this man will testify or what.
Then a white man walked into a Seik temple and killed some Seiks. He was then killed himself by the
po po. One of the men killed inside just happened to be the father of a director of a movie coming out about Sirius and
ETs and free energy. The government has taken hold of all those who were killed... personal computers
and archives.
and now all these deaths... reek of murder inc.
I see the info and I find it odd and I wonder if anyone else finds it odd.
This place makes no sense if you look at why things happen from popular news medias point of view.
It only makes sense when you can see the agendas that run the projector...
and when you start seeing those... those twisty tight faced agendas...
well... what had started as a little thing... always becomes the bigger thing
which then ends up becoming
everything.
Please help us turn the bad guys good. love is the only way out.
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